im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
