she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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