Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
