youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
