I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
