You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
