I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
