So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
