dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
