I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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