He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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