Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize