She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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