thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
