why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
