Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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