I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize