I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's never too late to be topless.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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