if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
