You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize