You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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