I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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