Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
