I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
