I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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