Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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