No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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