My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
from now on my penis is your penis
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
