i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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