i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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