I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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