They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
