Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
