FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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