just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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