Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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