It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
