I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
