If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize