i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There r osticjed everywhere
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
