I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
