if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
