all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
