There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sext me about skeletons
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
