Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
