this beer tastes like vomit already
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
