you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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