kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
