Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
