Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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