But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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