I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
