lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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