Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize