I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
