gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
