Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You smell like stripper and shame
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
