She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
