Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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