I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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