I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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