Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
