Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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