dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
