So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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