The maid of honor just puked.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
