fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
