I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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