Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
